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Resolving control


One of the shortcomings is described as “obsession with the need to control.” Wanting to control life is a major factor for many people today, and especially for those with this shortcoming. This article highlights one of the effects of control.


A lady called Dora used to suffer from candida. She was one of millions of people troubled by this disorder, and for whom life had become a dietary misery. Dora’s condition was so bad that she could sometimes only survive by following a strict diet and taking countless supplements. The candida was controlling Dora’s life.


Sadly, Dora’s case is all too common today. But apart from the many candida sufferers, there are millions of other people for whom stringent dietary control has become an all-consuming life focus.


However, apart from the inconvenience to her life, Dora soon discovered that following the prescribed diet and taking all the supplements only provided a temporary relief. For while her condition did indeed improve, the slightest crisis in her life simply resulted in her becoming ill, and having to start the diet all over again. She despaired of ever being able to break out of this cycle.

Luckily Dora discovered that there is another way of looking at her condition. By learning to look at her life as a whole, and by learning to make adjustments not only to her lifestyle, but also to the way in which she relates to herself and others, she could eliminate her need for dieting. What’s more she could also find the joy and fulfilment in her life that she had never been able to experience before.


Through working on herself and uplifting herself, Dora came to see how important it was for her to achieve balance in her life. If her life was in balance, her body and health would also be in a balanced state. But if her life was out of balance, no matter how many supplements she took, and what diet she followed, her health would suffer in the end. Dora also found out that balance encompasses everything – her work, her home life, her relationships, and most importantly, her relationship with herself. For, in her rush to succeed, Dora had ignored this primary relationship.


As she looked deeper into her life, Dora soon discovered that the main reason why her life was so out of balance, was because she was a “control freak.” Through wanting to control and restrict every aspect of her life, she was limiting her experiences, her growth and most especially, her happiness. Ironically, Dora was such a control freak, that she ended up having to control even her eating – just so that she could continue with her illusion of remaining in control of her life.


When she looked deeper, she discovered that the reason for this was that Dora’s life had become all about striving to achieve certain fixed goals, and trying to force her life to fit into certain pre-determined expectations. Yet, these goals and expectations often have little to do with what we truly want, in terms of following our hearts or the reality of our lives, and so we find we have to expend more and more effort, and exercise more and more control, in order to meet them.


Dora was a high achiever in her career, working for a company that was very successful. Yet in spite of her outer success, she was not inwardly happy, and so her life became one long process of control in order to keep her inner feelings of emptiness at bay. It was this that brought about the imbalance in her life and led to her serious candida condition.


By finding out what balance means for us, we can let go of the need to control, and

by accepting that life is based on relationships - that it is a give and take process - we can heal ourselves, and experience true happiness and fulfilment. Through being open, we can learn to flow with life, and so allow ourselves to enjoy all the many richnesses that life has to offer.


Toltecs say that life is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be savoured. By excluding so much of life through our efforts at control, we cannot savour anything, but are simply inviting bitterness and dissatisfaction.






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