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The art of communication

Théun Mares explains some important facets of the art of communication - a vital constituent in learning to relate.



If we are to have ANY hope whatsoever in being able to open the heart, then the very first requirement is to learn the art of communication, not only the spoken and written word, but also, and even more importantly, the unspoken communication! Why should communication be so important? Because communication is the very essence of relationships! And in dealing with relationships, by FAR the most important form of communication is the UNSPOKEN kind! Why?


Consider the warmth in the eyes, or the gentleness of a smile! Both say infinitely more than words can ever express, for the simple reason that both are ACTS of the heart. The fact is that words, although they CAN be an expression of the heart, and although speaking is an act in its own right, even the most sincere words are but the expression of an INTENT that may or may not be materialised, and, as such, cannot truly be trusted until ENACTED! And therefore even in UNSPOKEN communication the rule holds good, in that ACTIONS do speak louder than words!


Therefore you can look into a stranger's eyes in a supermarket and feel completely uplifted by the warmth radiating from that person's eyes, for it is an act that is at once pure and innocent!

And yet if that same person were to walk over to you and say, "I feel warmth towards you," you would be fully justified in being highly suspicious of the purity and innocence of that person's motives! Likewise can you smile at a stranger in a supermarket and feel utterly uplifted by the warmth of an innocent response! Yet if you were to saunter over to that same person, and say, "Hi! I just wanted to acknowledge your presence," you should expect either a suspicious glare in response, or alternatively a highly seductive response along the lines of, "Well, yes! I like you too! Shall we exchange phone numbers? (Wink! Wink!)"


The point is, UNSPOKEN communication, or more precisely, actions of the HEART speak for themselves, whereas words are subject to the interpretation of the MIND of both the speaker and the addressee! I wanted to point this out because far too many people still take zero responsibility for either their VERBAL or UNSPOKEN communication, and whilst this remains in effect they will make no real progress in learning to open the heart!


I cannot possibly ever over-emphasise the importance of the ART of communication, for an art it is indeed, rather than the RIGHT so many people misguidedly believe it to be, and just like ANY art, it has to be learned and mastered! So if you are wanting to learn to open your hearts, then discard the IDEA that communication gives you the right to inflict your self-image and your view of the world upon others!


True communication is a far cry from verbal abuse! And by verbal abuse I am NOT referring to pointing out to someone who is being an arsehole the TRUTH in no uncertain terms, but rather am I talking about the insincere and vague and ambiguous form of communication that only serves to confuse, that leads people up the garden path, and that causes UNCERTAINTY, or at best gives a FALSE impression! Therefore, to the warrior, communication is a sacred art, an art that enables him or her to build honest and meaningful relationships in the upliftment of life, and to this end the warrior will only ever speak from the HEART. When one speaks from the heart reaction is simply not possible, for the heart knows NOT how to lie, and so every word from the heart is an ACT of truth, rather than the LIES inherent within reaction, no matter whether that reaction is good or bad, positive or negative.


You may well ask how to achieve this, but it really is not all that difficult to start practicing! Practising the art of communication is more a question of CHOICE, rather than a technical difficulty to be mastered! Consequently we either choose to speak our MINDS, or else we choose to NOT-DO in trying to listen to and then attempting to speak our hearts!


Therefore, mastering the art of communication, as opposed to PRACTISING it, is indeed a technical difficulty to be overcome as one gradually and sequentially learns to open the heart! But what I am endeavouring to impart here is that one does not have to have the heart fully open in order to start practising the art of communication! On the contrary, it is only by practising and thereby steadily mastering the art of communication that we learn to open the heart! And to this effect, the only real requirement in learning the art of communication is the simple willingness to relate in both a PURPOSE-FULL as well as a MEANING-FULL way, rather than looking upon communication as an excuse to speak our MINDS! Therefore, in practising the art of communication you only ever have to ask yourself one question, namely, what is my MOTIVE for communicating?


In other words, do you want to state your MIND, whether this be with a smile, a comment, a statement or a question? Or do you wish to learn to listen to your HEART and then to GIVE EXPRESSION to that truth, again, no matter whether this be through the medium of a smile or verbalisation! Stating your mind, speaking your mind, and giving someone a piece of your mind, is never life-supportive, and neither does it encourage and enhance in the other person the willingness to respond, but instead it invariably causes that person to either fall quiet and to withdraw, or else it causes him or her to feel JUSTIFIED in reacting! Although in speaking from your heart there is no guarantee that the other person will not still react, yet if he or she does react, he or she, deep down inside, will know that the reaction is simply NOT true to the interaction taking place. Bringing another person to face the truth, whether he or she wishes to admit it or not, IS an action that is life-supportive!


But what is even worse than speaking one's mind, is HOW questions are asked! To demonstrate what is meant by this, let us look at the example of, let us say, two attorneys, both of whom are very good litigators!


Now although litigation is an excellent skill to have as an attorney in the courtroom, where people are very likely lying through their teeth in order to save their wretched skins, and is most DEFINITELY an extremely valuable skill of the warrior learned through the Art of Stalking, yet in building relationships it is an utterly DISASTROUS tool to use! The reason for this is because there is a vast difference between asking someone to tell you about their new home, as opposed to asking him why he did, or is doing, this or the other! In the first case you are EN-COURAGING the person concerned to open up and to share! In the second you are, by implication, putting the person concerned into the role of the DEFENDANT with you being the prosecutor! But if you are in the role of prosecutor you cannot possibly expect the defendant to rush up to you, throw his arms around you and tell you how much he trusts your motive and how much he loves you! :) Your motive for being the prosecutor is CLEAR, is it not? So, my point is, unless it IS your motive to put the person concerned into the hot-seat for whatever reason, then take care in HOW you ask your questions so as to EN-COURAGE the other person to open up and to share!


Remember, friendship is an ACT of the HEART, and it starts with the UNSPOKEN COMMUNICATION radiating from the under-standing eyes and the gentleness of a warm smile!






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